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I had to buy an onion yesterday. An overpriced Kings onion because Kings is two blocks away and I needed it before the sinigang boiled over. And on the way home, I found myself remembering a passage from Humans.

Humans got rather far afield from its satire of the earnest Ghomes as it went off on a tangent discussing baseball and softball, including a loving paragraph devoted to how “a baseball is designed, irresistably, to be thrown.” It has just the right size to hold comfortably, though not so comfortably that you wouldn’t mind releasing it, light enough to rest easily until you choose a target, but enough heft to promise it will arrive where you throw it.

Turns out, a medium yellow onion is just like a baseball in that respect. A curious coincidence. A baseball might be designed to be thrown, but an onion is designed—well, bred—to look appetizing.

Seriously. Find a medium yellow onion, a good round one. Now carry it outside. Yes, outside. Ideally a warm, spring day. Opening season. Tell me that onion isn’t begging to be thrown humbabyhumbabyhumbabyRIGHT over the plate.

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