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April 30, 2001

Yesterday evening, driving home from a send-off party for a friend moving to Brazil, we passed a brush fire. Hearing traffic was delayed by a brush fire was odd, since April isn't exactly the season for it, nor is the marshy land just west of Manhattan the territory, but as we exited the Lincoln Tunnel, there it was: a smoke-belching orange display, vibrant in the gathering dusk, a few dozen meters from the inbound lanes. Seeing it took me back to the great brush fire of '85 in Ojai, California.

I was there for six weeks as part of a summer science camp. Thirty-six students, divided into groups of three, were to track the paths of five asteroids and a comet. The perennial brush fires of the great west chose that year to strike Ojai, driving us from the school grounds for two or three days. But three days' delay was nothing compared to the delays to our observations. See, you need at least three points to plot an elliptical orbit, but most of us only had one or two good photographic plates of our assigned celestial body by the time we evacuated. And, though the fire retreated and we returned to school, the sky was too thick with soot to get any more accurate measurements for two weeks afterwards.

Every team had made three attempts by then, but getting a good plate was a tricky matter. Large asteroids are dim enough that we needed to expose our photographic plates for fifteen minutes or so, and naturally, the sky moves in that time ? or rather, the earth rotates beneath the sky in that time. If you don't move the telescope precisely counter to the earth's rotation, your plate fills with streaks rather than precise pinpoints. And, since we didn't have the budget for automatic tracking, we had to do it by hand, fifteen excruciating minutes of peering through an eyepiece, toggling a pair of joysticks, trying to keep a barely-visible blip dead in the crosshairs. Small wonder only one team got three good plates in three tries.

Luckily, that team was mine. With that head start, we never had to compete for lab space or equipment time, and worked out the orbit of 29 Amphitrite at a nice, leisurely pace while everyone else worked around the clock in tight shifts, nights in the observatory, days at the measuring equipment and computers. Our ephemeris, the numbers measuring various aspects of the orbit, came out pretty well, too, or at least close to the accepted mean values drawn from decades of observations and collected in a world database on orbits. Something has always bothered me about our work, though.

Part of the point of the project was for we bright but undertrained high school students to add our data to that world database. I said our emphemeris were pretty good. Our semi-major axis, eccentricity, inclination, and true anomaly were good matches. Our right ascension, the angle between the orbit's longest axis and an arbitrary coordinate, was about 30° off. And our argument of perigree, the angle between the longest axis and the equatorial plane of the sun, was something like 120° off; we could have done better by picking a random number. Briefly, we measured the size and shape of the orbit well, but measured its orientation poorly. That data went into the same huge pool of values that NASA uses to plot rocket trajectories, and astronomers use to point their telescopes, and I know our figures were far more reliable than many other groups at science camp. My team got to sleep occasionally, after all. Tossing out suspect figures was unthinkable; it's bad science to ignore data that doesn't match your expectations. So somewhere in the vast pool of astronomical knowledge, my amateur figures are throwing somebody off by a minute quantity, inversely proportional to the number of people who have reported the orbit of 29 Amphitrite, and I can never take it back

I sincerely hope there aren't many amateur astronomers out there, mucking up the figures.

April 27, 2001

Got to test the new Tropico computer game today, the one that lets you play petty dictator to a tin-pot banana republic. Actually, I could have tried it out last night, but I had writing duties, and Eileene, bored by an absence of office work, took the test flight instead. But now I've played it, much of today, and here are my first impressions.

Ignore the press: Tropico is a builder, not a political simulation. Yes, politics enter into the equation; many useful edicts anger one or more segments of your populace, and if enough get angry, it's time for cigarette and blindfold. But you mollify your detractors by building more things. If a banker gets his bank and a peasant gets his farm, all is well. Sacrificing one faction to your goals is a temporary measure; ultimately, you'll be able to satisfy everyone. The trick is getting it done within fifty years. If you want to play for a score, you'll need to play with a time limit.

Good Points

  • The building graphics are superb, minutely detailed and sporting an entirely appropriate seedy look.
  • Likewise, online help and the rulebook balance oppression, desperation, and humor nicely.
  • The balancing act a player must perform is challenging, and promises to be more so when I try higher difficulty settings. The three-cornered relationship between living space, education, and employment is the best part of the model.
  • The painstaking details of your citizenry are delivered as promised.
  • You can whip through a game relatively quickly for a builder; about four hours even if you don't ride the time acceleration button. If long, involved games are your thing, you can play indefinitely, but not for a score.
  • At the easier levels, at least, you have freedom of action. There's one relatively narrow path to prosperity but if you're willing to ditch wealth and popularity, you can get away with a great deal without actually getting kicked out of office.

Bad Points

  • While building graphics are superb, they're undermined by a sparseness of ground. The play area betrays its digital nature by chunking down photographically sculpted buildings on a bland background, looking more like pinups on a bulletin board than buildings on an island.
  • Some of the delicate balances you might expect don't seem to be there. In particular, I've pretty much given up on mining iron or bauxite. Mines take enormous space, pollute, return no more cash than good exportable crop like tobacco or coffee, and cannot take on added value at local factories. When a choice has nothing to recommend it, it's either bad design or clever design hiding tactics still obscure to the novice. We shall see.
  • Though the painstaking details of your citizenry are delivered as promised, they seem to be unimportant. You can solve plenty of problems with the sledgehammers of wage raises and good housing, never needing to pick over subtle political and familial strands in a web of relationships. Nor would you want to pick; chasing down all the implications of jailing a dissident is a micro-managing nightmare.
  • The fact that Tropico is built around short play times (50 game years) isn't so keen once you realize your first twenty or thirty years will play almost the same way every time, regardless of your ultimate goal or immediate resources. Slap out liveable housing, put miners/farmers/loggers at your most readily exploited resource, and build a beeline from your docks to that resource. Get the cash flowing in. Wait half the game while your fledgling economy bootstraps itself. Spend another third ramping up to more profitable ventures, and enjoy a brief five to ten years of actual creativity.

Now remember, these are first impressions, not backed by insights appearing through repeated play, nor any experience in harder difficulty levels. Maybe workers can live in shantytowns for decades. Maybe margins of profit are too slim at the heady peaks of ?hard? or ?ludicrously difficult? to permit bribing your enemies, and you must choose verrry carefully just which political enemies should develop nine-millimeter migraines. Maybe I've missed clever ploys involving bauxite. Maybe you need to court one or both superpowers to keep your island afloat long enough to become self-sufficient.

Altogether, an intriguing game, and one I intend to explore further. Tropico has a working engine under the hood ? surprisingly few games do ? and an entertaining tone. Unfortunately, all the signs point to a strategy game hobbled by stereotyped play.

[Postscript: Not all my readers are gamers; I'll write more on Tropico only if I think I have anything to add which could appeal to the larger audience.]

April 26, 2001

White Wolf Game Studio, and its World of Darkness line have been spectacularly successful in the RPG industry. Their books rival the venerable Dungeons & Dragons in shelf space. WoD, most notably Vampire: the Masquerade, forms a distinct subcommunity among gamers, and those who don't like it are fearful enough of its spread to go into histrionics when the subject comes up. Vampire and its cousins have a distinct angst-ridden tone, and it's written to the hilt. If you like the moodiness, you'll love it; it you don't, you'll despise it.

But love or detest them, everyone must admit White Wolf has had an enormous effect on many games besides their own. The basic premise of all the WoD titles ? Vampire: the Masquerade, Mage: the Ascension, Werewolf: the Apocalypse, et multiple cetera ? is always the same. The world is a grim reflection of our own, where spiritual values are crushed under the ruthless advance of technology and centralizing power. The players take roles in an in-crowd of superhumans who, in theory, hopelessly struggle to preserve spirituality, but in practice, spend all their time in bitter internal feuds. The masses of humanity, meanwhile, are blind to the great struggles going on about their banal lives. Many words are needlessly capitalized.

Since Vampire's success, I've seen half a dozen products which follow much the same pattern. The angst may not be quite so pure, nor the cause so doomed, nor the politics may so sharp, but they are all there. In Nomine features Angels desperately trying to save humanity from itself and Demonic influence, all the while in danger of accumulating sufficient dissonance to Fall themselves. (Or, if you swing that way, Demons trying to corrupt humanity against the will of an omnipotent God.) Naturally, each Choir (or Band) has its own opinions on how to handle humanity, and each Archangel (or Demon Prince) requires his Servitors to toe his own line on how to handle the celestial War. In Dreamside, the main characters are Lucid, capable of operating consciously in the Dream World, while trying not to become too attached to dreams and Fall Through. And now I have Continuum, in which time-travelers visit, gossip, and otherwise enjoy the time-hopping lifestyle, free of mortal concerns, while desperately avoiding accumulating the Frag which arises from causal paradox. Naturally, the time-traveling community has ten or twelve politically charged schools with distinct philosophies.

And, oddly enough, I don't think these works are entirely copycats. Each has distinct and interesting elements which prove their authors' creativity. (In Nomine, in particular, has increasingly drifted back into the offbeat humor so common at Steve Jackson Games as more contributors have built upon the background.) Rather, I think there's something terribly appealing in the angst and secret society elements they share for gamers.

Lots of us gamers were pretty geeky back in our adolescence; lots of us still are, twenty years later. Not all of us got over being on the outs back then. I think all these games allow geeks who haven't gotten over it to live out unrequited fantasies that the world just doesn't understand how sensitive and intelligent and cool we gaming geeks are (or like to think we are). ?Someday I'll have a bunch of friends. But it will be a special, secret club, and we'll all be cooler than you plebeians can believe, or even imagine anyone being. And we'll all laugh at you for your ignorance. And we'll do great, earth-shattering things. And we'll have superpowers. And??

Here I mercifully draw a curtain on things best left back in eighth grade.

April 24, 2001

Last weekend was the first gaming convention I'd attended on my own in, what? Seven years? Ordinarily, Eileene goes with me, since our second year at U of I, where we attended Winter War annually. Going alone was definitely different, though in subtle ways.

I fed myself almost entirely from a cooler packed for the occasion. Only once did I get a hot meal, in the restaurant/bar, and that was more for some time to sit in a dark, quiet space for an hour than because I desperately wanted the burger and fries. When Eileene's along, we eat out two or three times in a weekend. Bolting down take-out pepper chicken or a fat-laden TGIFriday's meal is harder on the stomach, but it breaks the scenery, refreshes the mind before plunging back into the crowd.

Nights were less relaxing. I can blame some of that on the Vampire players skulking noisily about my room well past midnight. More important, though, was just the lack of my partner, a chance to wind down in the evening, talking the day's events out of my system, and a bedtime hug and kiss.

All the down time between events was less interesting. No chance to gloat over a hard-earned prize or to bitch about an unlucky loss. No opportunity to sit back and listen passively to gaming tales, since acquaintances at the con have their meals and events to rush to. Just an internal post-game rehearsal of my own events. No opportunity to talk about something other than gaming, either.

Naturally, we couldn't participate in any events together. Eileene may not be the best player I know, but she's pretty good. Good players are more important to an enjoyable event than anything else. A system can suck rocks, and an adventure grind through every cliché in the book; good players can dig out the worthwhile bits to focus on.

Obviously, too, Eileene didn't get to see any of my adventures in action. She can neither praise my genius nor offer harsh corrections before I try sending them to publishers.

So all-in-all, I missed her. My voice may have survived the weekend better than usual, but it's not worth it. Nice to have your girlfriend around.

So I've come to a decision. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, wherein I complained about Peter O'Toole, I never cared much for theater. The constraints of the stage disrupt my willing suspension of disbelief. Musicals, in particular, drive my attention from the show itself to the watching of the show. That's a shame, given that I now live just a hop from Broadway, and even more so given that Eileene likes theater. I've seen a few plays with her, but we've grown out of the habit. For the past couple years, she's found another friend to attend with, or gone alone, while I would entertain myself otherwise.

Well, Eileene likes me there in the theater with her, even if I'm not particularly entertained. (She doesn't want me truly miserable, but it's nicer to have me along.) And it is nicer to have your partner along. Next time she wants to see a show, we'll get two tickets. Even to a musical.

April 23, 2001

I'm back! MonCon was ? as all cons ? exhausting but rewarding. Both events I ran were fully subscribed (A first! My reputation is growing.) and went pretty well. I sorta blew The Lunatics are in theHall; I allowed the tone to become sillier than I intended, so it was a boisterous ride rather than a creepy one, but there it is. Sometimes plotlines twist off in unpredictable directions; that's in the nature of improvisational storytelling.

But then, the tendency for carefully-plotted adventures rapidly to go to hell in a handbasket isn't entirely the result of group improvisation, or the unavoidable confusion of several authors trying to direct the story at once. Players gravitate toward the more chaotic options. Their characters do things a real person would never consider, typically with dramatic and disruptive results.

Take, for example, an adventure I played last January at Running GAGG. The basic story line was that the characters were the staff of a tabloid newspaper, taking a camping holiday together. (The area, it turns out, was filled with Frankensteinian creatures enlarged by mutagenic chemicals, but that's another story.) Before the characters were terrorized by gigantic wildlife, they had a chance to shoot the breeze. One offhandedly insulted another, who felt that zapping him with a taser would be the perfect witty comeback. In real life, such casual brutality would be psychopathic. In a role-playing game, where players have the luxury of considering violence to be ?just pretend? or ?only hit points? or just desserts for a ?bad guy,? thoughtless cruelty is all to common, even a matter of course in some groups.

I related the story of the tasered camper to a fellow player at a Fulminata adventure Saturday afternoon, and we had a good laugh over it, shaking our heads at the folly of players who indulge vicarious power fantasies. I felt I was in good company.

How wrong I was. Later in the adventure, my fellow player directed her character to snoop about the docks of Ostia, looking for evidence of smuggling. She blew her stealth roll, and was spotted by a sentry. When the sentry belittled her gender, she pushed him. He pushed back. They came to blows. She killed the sentry and two more who tried to intervene, then chased a fourth through town, hoping to prevent any witnesses. So much for inconspicuous intelligence-gathering. The situation had escalated from ?He insulted my fighting skill, so I had to beat him up? to ??so I had to kill him? to ??so I had to kill him and all his friends, too.? Pity the poor GM.

Thoughtless violence is common enough a problem in role-playing that one often sees articles in magazines and sections in rulebooks offering GMs advice on how to curb it. The advice generally centers around pursuing the consequences of violence. Killing a cop should land you in prison, or the electric chair. Killing an evil conspirator who appears to be a respectable banker, ditto. Tromping around town in full armor or kevlar jacket should draw the hostile attention of the local constable, at a minimum. Setting fires in the warehouse district should provoke a manhunt.

But you know, I don't think players really care. I don't know why players are implausibly violent in games. Maybe it's a therapeutic release of frustration. Maybe it's the corruptive influence of too much Hollywood. Maybe it's the metagame knowledge that, later in the adventure, our sins will fade in the escalating climax. Maybe it's the only way to force another character to pay attention. Whatever the motivation, RPGs are escapist fun. If we're forced too often to behave ourselves in a game, to abide by the law, to be nice to unpleasant people, to play things safe, the escapism is ruined, and we cease to have fun. GMs will just have to bear with letting their players' characters run amok now and then, and not squeeze the jaws of the nutcracker on them.

But, players, try to keep it down to a dull roar, okay?

April 18, 2001

Apologia

This has been a busy week for me. Regular readers may have wondered where the heck I've been, and why the heck there aren't any new entries to read. This coming weekend is the annual MonCon games convention, and I'm slated to run two adventures. Since I later try to sell adventures which went well to publishers of role-playing games (RPGs), I put quite a bit of effort into adventure preparation. Character sheets describing the history, attitudes, and abilities of the player's alter-egos tend to run a page or two in length, and I have to take care to be explicit on motivational details. You never know how much improvisational skill you'll get from your players, so it pays to lead them by the nose in defining their characters' personalities.

So I've been spending the evenings when I normally write Never on Sunday preparing adventures. I'll let you take a sneak peek into what they involve. For those of you who don't know what an RPG is, it's sort of like improv theater. One person (the gamemaster, or GM) describes a situation while everybody else controls one important character in that situation, acting and reacting within his character definition. Normally, the players define their own characters, but at conventions, the GM usually provides those, too, since there is no time for character design in the slim four hours for an event.

The Lunatics are in the Hall is the serious adventure. The fictional Khomokashevo State Clinic for Mental Illness is a holdover from Soviet times, a combination asylum and prison for politically sensitive prisoners, deep, deep in the wastes of Siberia. For the past ten years or so, the clinic has been undergoing a phase-out. The staff has been allowed to retire without replacement, the dangerous ?Wing Two? patients were relocated two years ago, and funding, never great, has dribbled away to nothing at all. The players take the roles of the remaining handful of relatively normal ?Wing One? patients, waking unusually late one morning to discover that breakfast is not being delivered, and the facility is disturbingly still, even for eight total residents. Gradually, they emerge from their rooms to see what's going on? Well, the rest I'll have to keep secret, since Eileene puts these pages up for me, and she may want to play. Suffice to say, the players will have to face many stress checks ? see the next paragraph.

Not surprisingly for an adventure centered around the mentally ill, Lunatics places heavy emphasis on the psychological aspects of the situation. I wanted to pay so much attention to them that I am using an alternative rules system, Unknown Armies, rather than my favorite Over the Edge. UA has explicit rules for stress as it affects sanity. Every time a character faces certain universal stresses, like violence, social isolation, or helplessness, he either becomes increasingly hardened to that type of stress, or increasingly vulnerable. Neither is nice: too much hardening destroys one's humanity, but too much vulnerability leaves one unable to deal with life. The characters start dangerously close to one or both extremes. Heh, heh, heh.

The Monster in the Closet is a light-hearted romp, a sequel to my earlier Batteries Not Included. The players take the roles of a toddler's favorite toys, and must deal with the treat of the monster in the closet who has been ruining their little girl's dreams. Monster has much in common with the movie Toy Story and is a good adventure to play with Sunday morning burnout, where too much gaming and not enough sleep and a diet of caffeine and sugar have players a little punchy.

I hope to return Monday with interesting tales to tell of the convention. See you then.

April 11, 2001

You saw it here yesterday, folks! I aced out Daniel Shore. Today I shall do a little victory dance to celebrate. You are welcome to watch.

Shore is a political commentator for NPR, and, while not as famous as Dan Rather, still is sufficiently notable to make a cameo in The Game. I enjoy his comments a great deal, and trust him at least as far as any other pundit I've heard. Yesterday, I slapped out my journal entry, observing that the diplomatic fireworks between China and the US struck me as pretty casual, a perfunctory confrontation, almost because they were expected to go through the moves. That evening, Shore came on and predicted the imbroglio was even stickier than it might seem, that China's demands were escalating, and the impasse could drag on indefinitely.

?Oops!? cried I. A senior analyst, someone who had done his homework and whose opinions I respect, revealed me for the amateur I am, without even knowing I exist. Well, it wouldn't be the first time I'd been wrong about current news issues. I took Koop to be a right-wing crank when he became Surgeon General, I refused to accept Clinton was as sleazy as his opponents painted him, and I expected Gore to win the presidential election. So, what the heck, I let the essay stand. Then I could come back and write another essay in a week or two about being wrong; two topics for the price of one. (That's a trick I've learned from books on how to write professionally. Some of it must be sinking in.) Besides, I wanted to read more of Maps and History that night, rather than rewriting an amateur editorial.

This morning, we learned the matter of the spy plane had been resolved. This evening, Shore began his commentary with a frank admission he'd missed the mark and analyzed what could have caused him to miss as badly as he did. (He used the same trick I had planned: two topics for the price of one. I'm definitely feeling professional.) More rewarding than the similarity of tactics, though, was just guessing right when the expert guessed wrong.

Amateurs beat the experts every day, and it's more a matter of luck than skill. Witness the little old ladies who pool their pensions and whip the Wall Street boys, or the ?psychics? who find killers. Given enough little old ladies or psychics or amateur political commentators, sometimes the nobodies get lucky. But it's still nice to enjoy these little triumphs when they happen.

April 10, 2001

The continuing quarrel between China and the US over the downed American spy plane has been getting a lot of attention from the press. Negotiations have reached an impasse. The US has tacitly offered to drop its protests over boarding and searching the plane if the crew is returned, and the Chinese have indicated they'll return the crew and let the incident slide if America admits responsibility for the collision of the spy plane and a fighter sent up to harass it, but the US refuses to make such an admission. (This may not be misplaced pride; I gather a corollary of such an admission is the cessation of similar flights within 200 miles of China, rather than the 50-mile limit of international waters. This distance includes the whole of Taiwan.)

I don't think anyone other than the crew and the high commands will ever know with certainty which plane, if either, is responsible for the crash and death of the Chinese pilot, and, thus, whether the US should apologize. News services report that planes in the area regularly play ?chicken;? something was bound to happen sooner or later. What strikes me is how blasé the treatment of the subsequent confrontation has been. The extensive coverage has only underlined that the issue doesn't matter. China will board ? or has boarded ? the plane to snitch a few technological secrets, America will continue to spy, both sides will huff and puff a bit, and all will be forgotten. (Let's hope the crew and their families are returned before, rather than after, they too are forgotten.)

The participants are remarkably low-key, almost friendly about everything. ?Yeah, yeah, you look in the plane, we get our crew, everybody's cool about it.? Indeed, I get the impression that both sides are cooperating to find a face-saving compromise, rather than facing one another down. At first blush, that's not normal for power politics, but the more I think about it, the more I see a general trend towards pacifism.

Ancient, medieval, and renaissance kingdoms would go to war at the drop of a hat. When the colonial era got into full swing, Europeans started to work to keep conflicts abroad. They didn't always succeed, but despite almost continual skirmishes in the colonies, there was a general awareness of the destructiveness of war, and honest attempts to keep it in distant continents. Once the industrial revolution put some real teeth into warfare, and once governments woke up to the fact, they started working in earnest to defuse the colonial crises of 1905. The general public despised war after WWI. (WWII was something of a last gasp of the belief in war as a policy actively to be pursued, and that only for a few nations.) Atomic weapons enfeebled war as an instrument of politics, and with good reason, but cold war negotiations were anything but relaxed. Where did this casual diplomatic attitude come from?

I think, perhaps, that it isn't so much the bomb itself as the passage of time since the bomb. Though our weapons have gotten more destructive, so has our resilience. For all its millions dead, the world recovered from WWII far quicker than Europe did the Thirty Years' War, or than Athens and Sparta did the Peloponnesian, or any other drawn-out conflict I can think of. But for a few nail-biting decades, the powers that be realized they had to avoid war, or else. And, forced to try it, we've learned that we can avoid war, and that, really, even our enemies are happy to avoid it, too.

But then, we've already sworn off war forever and ever, sworn it off more than once. I think we're in another race toward a unified society against the fading of generational memory. Maybe this time we'll work it out; maybe the global economy and vastly improved communications, both between cultures and between individual statesmen, will give us that final boost to avoid political war. Maybe prosperity will spread widely enough to quell the disenfranchised and prevent economic war. Maybe. I think the smart money, though, is on a ghastly bloodletting in another fifty or one hundred years. Just a guess.

April 9, 2001

My latest reading project is Maps and History: Constructing Images of the Past, by Jeremy Black. It's an interesting read, describing how perceptions of history affect atlas design, and vice versa. The most entertaining passages demonstrate techniques of distorting information to suit overt propaganda, but the most illuminating address the maps I used in grade school (or maps very much like them).

But the book has a fault that I just have to carp about, because it's common among scholarly books which are still accessible enough to make it to the shelves of Barnes & Noble. The author, presumably fluent in French, thinks nothing of quoting lengthy passages entirely in French, without further word of explanation. At several points, Maps and History reads something like:

By the turn of the century, cartographers began adopting an entirely new, non-nationalistic approach to maps, and especially to educational atlases. This stemmed from several complaints, most explicitly described by M. LeBoeuf:
Frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrenchfrenchfrench frenchfrenchfrenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrenchfrenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrenchfrenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrenchfrenchfrench.
But some printing houses went even farther. M. Allouette prefaced his Atlas de frenchfrenchfrench Afrique et frenchfrench with his protest that
frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrenc frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrench frenchfrenchfrench
Notwithstanding these developments, color printing was becoming increasingly affordable for small printing houses?

Now what good is that? I've thought this through; large passages of foreign languages are, as I said, common in scholarly works, and I need to consider whether I'm missing something. I put together the best argument I could to justify such obfuscation. Here are the words I would put in the mouths of Mr. Black and his fellow academes:

?This book is written to assist researchers at the graduate and postgraduate level, who we may reasonably assume are fluent in French as part of their degree requirements. [UofI requires math grads to learn any two of German, French, and Russian; I presume other fields have similar responsibilities.] Translating important passages would do little good for the target audience, and might do harm by obscuring subtleties of the original writing. Non-academics are welcome, even encouraged, to read this book, but we cannot justify weakening its content for such audiences.?

Well, okay, I can buy that. The sin then lies on the heads of the publishers squeezing out a few more bucks from a printing by selling to unwary readers among the unwashed masses. Or rather, I could buy that, if those same books did not laboriously translate even brief phrases in German, Russian, Greek, or Chinese, languages which interested scholars should be equally fluent in. Maps and History, which thinks nothing of free-standing eight-line passages in French pauses to let us know that ?Versklavung? is the supposed ?enslaving of the Germans as a result of the post-war conferences,? and ?Uchebnyi Atlas po Russkoi Istorii? is ?The Student's Atlas of Russian History.? I can't help but conclude the author is less concerned with preserving meaning than flippantly dismissing readers who are not fluent in French and Latin. Perhaps translating the Russian and German exhausted him, and doing the French, too, would be too much work. Or perhaps it simply never occurred to him that not everyone in the world has mastered French.

There's a solution to the problem, and I'm sure I'm not the first to suggest it. Translate everything. If you write in English, put it all in English. If the original text is too tender for the coarse hands of translation, include the original as a lengthy footnote, and let those who absolutely must have the original find it at the back of the book, or at the bottom of the page. Then the rest of us can join in the discussion, too.

April 5, 2001

I used to wonder at Peter O'Toole's stellar reputation. He's been critically acclaimed to the moon and back again for Lion in Winter, but I saw him in Becket, Masada, and Night of the Generals, and he was never anything but a fat, juicy ham. Where another actor might ask, ?Is it good for growing hair?? (Or, for method actors, ?'Zit good for growin' hair??), O'Toole asks ?Is it. Good. For growing heyah??). About a year ago, I realized what the problem was.

O'Toole trained in and for the theater.

Every artistic medium has its advantages and limitations. One of theater's biggest limitations is the need for people in the back rows to see and hear what's going on. Naturally enough, stage performers learn to make broad gestures, speak slowly, and to enunciate at all times, even while muttering sarcastically under their breaths. The stiffness of stage dialogue is one of the reasons I don't cotton much to theater.

Once I lay my finger on the problem, I quickly tagged a large batch of actors who, in my eyes, never measured up to their press for this very reason: Kenneth Branagh, John Malkovich, and Dudley Moore never quite made the transition to movies, never learned to suppress flamboyance. The leap isn't impossible. Angela Lansbury made it just fine; so did John Gielgud and Anthony Hopkins. Though you can see their classical training peeking through in patches, it doesn't distract from the story at hand.

It starches my undies when a critic judges a cinematic performance by theatric standards.

April 4, 2001

I learn the most amazing things from my writing exercise book (which I deliberately do not name, lest I poison some other writer's therapy). It's chock-full of new-age pop psychology wisdom, and an astonishing discovery awaits me every week. To date, I have learned:

  1. The muse exists ? literally. Humans do not create; they act as a conduit for the muse.
  2. Treating yourself to ice cream will cause you to get a job offer.
  3. Every person on earth wants to be an artist.
  4. Though I have been encouraged to write anything I want in my morning pages (a stream-of-consciousness exercise), the book's author can determine and discuss, week by week, the revelations I have writing them. Someday, she'll get one right.
  5. Enthusiasm, distaste, and indifference toward writing exercises may all be taken as proof that the exercises work.
  6. When I have difficulty writing, it's because my parents didn't love me enough.
  7. Meaningful discussion of god can precede a definition of god.

Eternal skeptic that I am, I pooh-pooh such penetrating insights almost by reflex. Sometimes, I have to catch myself in the act and give myself a mental wrist-slapping, because negative attitudes aren't always the best to adopt. (The muse may be imaginary, but that doesn't mean talking with your invisible friend can't shake out some good ideas to write about.) And, though I snicker my way through the book even as I honestly do the exercises, most of them are phrased vaguely or abstractly enough to defy firm contradiction. Isn't that always the way with new-age pop psychology?

Well, not always. The book puts me through numerous drills designed to get me to be more generous towards myself. If I am, I am absolutely, positively, 100% guaranteed to have a streak of good luck almost immediately, not that this makes generosity, with money or praise, any easier. I have to grit my teeth and force myself at times, and managed to do it the night before last.

Eileene came up as I was reading myself to sleep, plunked on the bed, and said, ?Let's go to Maine.? She wanted to take a weekend trip just for the heck of it. Since she's recently become a victim of the dot-com shakedown, and I'm writing for peanuts, our finances are a little shaky, and I didn't want to. But that very day, I'd promised myself and my writing book to spend some money without looking back, so, after a brief expression of concern, I agreed. When Eileene pointed out that we didn't have to go to Maine, that we could go to Canada or DC or anywhere, I replied that I didn't care ? why not check the long-term weather forecasts for various regions? We could go wherever there would be sun, far more conducive to enjoying myself as we crawl out of February weather than the actual location. Eileene went down to find out, and I dropped off to sleep.

The next morning, I learned Eileene hadn't made any reservations. The entire eastern seaboard, it seems, was to be cloaked in a grim drizzle by the weekend. My nurturing universe had let me down, even when I was generous with myself. So much for streaks of good luck, unless you count this journal entry as the fruits of saying ?okay, let's go.? I do have to admit I got a good laugh out of it, vindicated in my pessimism.