Cheese of Mass Destruction
I can’t claim credit for the idea of a program to recover cheese from the moon; it cropped up in a discussion on the Well about the general capacity of Rove, Delay, Cheney, Bush, et al. to claim black is white and vice versa, and of too many people to accept such claims without question. A fellow poster complained that he fully expected a Republican-led initiative to recover green cheese from the moon any day now. My offering got some cheers from the admittedly partisan forum, so I thought it worth sharing:
Anything Bush the lesser does is good.
Bush the lesser invaded Iraq.
Ergo, invading Iraq was good.
When no reason to invade Iraq could be found, we simply repeated loudly and often that reason existed nevertheless, although it couldn't be shared--with anyone--for security reasons. This proved sufficient to justify an invasion. Ergo, bald assertion that something is good is equivalent to the feasibility and necessity of any policy to pursue that result.
Anything Ronald Reagan did was good.
Ronald Reagan distributed cheese.
Ergo, distributing cheese is good.
Ergo, any policy designed to distribute cheese is feasible and necessary.
Recovering cheese from the moon for distribution is a policy designed to distribute cheese.
Ergo, recovering cheese from the moon is feasible and necessary.
If, however, no cheese is found on the moon, it must have been stolen, in violation of international treaties.
Only evil people steal.
Terrorists are evil people.
Ergo, if no cheese is found on the moon, terrorists stole it all, in violation of international treaties.
If terrorists claim they did not steal the cheese from the moon, it is because they are sneaky, lying, evil, godless, religious fundamentalists. But trust us, they definitely are hiding the cheese somewhere. This is a slam dunk.
A massive military effort will be necessary to uncover it. We will let you know where when the public's attention becomes dangerously distracted from the importance of our vital national
cheese reserves. Probably right about the time the Democrats distract national attention from
our vital cheese reserves by playing politics with minor issues like the budget, war, and the Bill of Rights.